He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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