I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
