How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
