I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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