is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
