I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
