Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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