He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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