it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
