oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
