cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
