Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
