Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
