all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
