True but thats because hes a fetus.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
