I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
