Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
