I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
