Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
