I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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