fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
