I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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