cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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