just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
