Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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