We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
