who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
