Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
