How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
