There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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