I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
