I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just want to make out with him forever
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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