with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
