i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
