i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
