sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
