Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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