my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
