Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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