the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
