I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
