White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
