he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I looked at my own cervix.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
