I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
