In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
