Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
