I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
