Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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