i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
