i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
